So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My ATM looks so different sober.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
