Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
