he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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