HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My vagina is officially offended.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
