I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
