So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
