Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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