it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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