it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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