If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize