Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
