he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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