Jerry, you need to find god
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
