she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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