The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
