I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
