Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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