I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
