dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
