Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
