I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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