your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
