i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
