I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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