It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
