I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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