my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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