Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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