look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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