I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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