Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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