Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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