Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
