i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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