my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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