omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
