Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
