Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize