I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
