just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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