I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
