I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
