watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
