Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize