Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
