i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
