yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
