Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
