Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
