Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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