never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize