I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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