You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
