He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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