I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
