East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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