:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
