Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wear drunk well.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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