You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
