i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize