How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
