I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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