at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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