I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
