So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
