im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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