so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
