"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize