u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
