I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
