Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
