I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
