I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
