I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
